Self Portrait

Who Am I?

     The following is a portrait of who I perceive myself to be at this moment, whether or not this is how others perceive me, I cannot say, but ultimately the only perception that truly matters is my own. I re-enrolled in college two semesters ago, after a fifteen year break. During that time, I married, (much too young, at eighteen) had a child with that husband, divorced after four years, and after some time as a single mom, married my current(and final)husband, with whom I share another child.  My husband and I own our own business, a small construction company, which allows me the flexibility and financial means to attend school, for which I am extremely thankful.
 
     My college experience this second time around is vastly different than when I first attended right after high school graduation. At that time, I wasn’t interested in school at all; to me college seemed more of an obligation than a privilege. I was more interested in going out “clubbing” than I was interested in learning. This time around I appreciate the opportunity so much more; I’m like a sponge, eager to soak up all the knowledge I possibly can.  It saddens me when I see some of the younger students in my current classes have much the same attitude as I did at their age, not appearing to care or put much effort into their learning experience. I feel like shaking them and telling them, “Pay attention! This is your life, don’t waste it! If you’re going to come to class make the most of it! Don’t let your future slip away by wasting your college years, drinking, doing drugs and clubbing; life is about so much more than those things that seem so important right now.”

     So, besides being married with two kids, working in our family business, being back in college after an extended break, who am I? That’s not all that makes me, me is it? I hope not.  I am someone who wants to experience every moment to the fullest.  Some things I enjoy in life are: the sun, reading mystery novels and non-fiction related to neurology, cheering for my kids as they play on their sports teams or perform on stage, flying across the surface of the ocean in our boat,  eating good food, experiencing the beauty of nature, photography, Dove milk chocolate, being in a place where there is complete silence, painting water-colors, driving by myself-75 miles per hour in my convertible with the top down and music blasting,(late 80’s early 90’s mostly, think Beastie Boys and Tribe Called Quest, to freestyle like Debbie Deb) going to the beach, yoga, scrabble, Sudoku, live theater, opera, art museums, going to the movies, being pampered at the spa, but what I like most is laughing and making others laugh with me.

     Looking at myself at a deeper level, my core values, or what is most important to have in myself and find in others with whom I choose to spend time are: honesty, kindness, dependability, a strong work ethic, determination, curiosity, a sense of humor, playfulness, adventure, and a positive outlook.  If I am able to complete the following list during my life, I will have met all my goals. Wish me luck.

1.    Work to keep my relationship with my husband strong, so we will continue to stay connected and enjoy living life with each other throughout the years as we grow old.

2.    Love, encourage, and guide my kids to believe in themselves, and grow into well adjusted, productive members of society. Keep our family relationship strong throughout the generations.

3.    Continue my college education through the doctoral level in the field of neurology, but always keep         learning, no matter the degree I achieve.

4.    “Pay it Forward” and inspire others to do the same.

5.    Travel the world to experience different cultures, taking photographs, painting and writing about the trips    along the way.

6.    Stay present and appreciate each moment as if it were the last.

      Well, that about sums it up, who I am, who I want to be, and what I want out of life. I have learned and experienced many things these past thirty-four years, and I am excited about living the rest of my life, moment by moment.

Groups

QUESTION #1
    I found the results of the experiment described in the assigned article, “If Hitler Asked You to Electrocute a Stranger, Would You? Probably” somewhat surprising, and definitely disappointing. When I think of Americans as a group, obedience is not the first characteristic that comes to mind, though perhaps my perception is colored by my personal upbringing.     I was raised by a single working mother, and grew up watching her be very outspoken, unafraid to dissent from any “group think” type situation, so challenging other peoples’ ideas comes naturally to me. My mother has a fondness for advertising her personal beliefs via bumper stickers on her car; two particular bumper sticker slogans I remember are the following: “Question Authority” and “You measure democracy by the freedom it gives its dissidents, not the freedom it gives its assimilated conformists.”  In my opinion, these two statements express the core beliefs of why America was founded, and thus the results of Milgram’s experiment sadden me, to learn just how far Americans have diluted these concepts is disappointing. Since Milgram’s experiment was conducted in the 1960’s, I wonder if the results would differ at all if conducted in our current year of 2010.    
    To answer the assignment, I have determined that I am a part of the following social groups: church member, co-worker, family, student, and friend. The power of these social groups in my current life is in my opinion at a healthy level of influence.  I am unable to think of a recent specific example where as an adult I have been uncomfortable with the level of influence any group has had on me. As a teenager however, I chose to allow my close friends to have an overly significant amount of influence on the type of activities and behaviors I engaged in. At the time I wasn’t uncomfortable with their level of influence, but looking back, it definitely was not healthy, since I allowed their influence to guide me into many dangerous situations. However, to a certain extent, I believe this type of risk taking behavior is a natural part of adolescence, and fortunately I did not suffer any lasting consequences. Today, as an adult while I choose to respect authority, I also require myself to first question it, which I believe is the reason I am able to keep group influence in healthy perspective.

QUESTION #2
    Had I been born into an extremely rich family and been a member of the upper class, my experiences would have been vastly different than those of my reality. Instead of a poor Florida public school education I would have benefited from the best possible available private education.  This type of education perhaps would have kept me more engaged, and consequently I may have furthered my education immediately after high school, instead of as I am doing now, at the age of thirty-four.  A better education would have inspired me to work towards a specific career path instead of just being relieved to be done with high school, and consequently obtaining menial jobs that barely afforded me the salary to remain afloat.
    While I concede that monetary security is comforting and can provide some benefits, such as a good education, I do not think if given the opportunity I would choose to relive my childhood as a member of upper class society, but instead choose to be take a more proactive role in obtaining a better education, perhaps by seeking scholarships from better schools.  I believe because I grew up as part of the lower class, I was exposed to many more of the harsh realities of life that the majority of Americans encounter, as opposed to the relative absence of these situations as experienced by the sheltered upper class.  The exposure to those more unfortunate than myself instilled in me a sense of empathy, and a strong desire to help others.  As an adult, I have been exposed to many social situations where the majority of persons in attendance were of the upper class. While I have met a few people of the upper class that seemed “down to earth” and likeable, overall I personally have found those of the upper class to be pretentious, judgmental, and uninspiring.
QUESTION 3.
    I remember the shock I felt hearing the not-guilty verdict for the defendants in the Rodney King vs. Los Angeles Police Department trial and watching the ensuing L.A. riots on television; it was frightening. In preparation for this assignment I re-watched the video of Mr. King’s beating, along with a recent interview with Mr. King, and heard audio statements from interviews with several of the jurors of the case. Analyzing the King beating from the framework of the assigned, “ Police Accounts of Normal Force”, article leaves me with the same conclusion I had reached before reading the article, which is that the officers were clearly abusing their authority. 
    However, the article did provide some insight into how it was possible for the officers to be found not-guilty, purely due to semantics. The fact that police are endowed with the right to use force but aren’t given clear direction for its use in real life situations leaves the perfect opportunity for abuse of power. Our textbook defines legal force as coercion necessary to subdue, control, and restrain a suspect in order to take him into custody. The King beating video clearly demonstrates the officers continued to beat Mr. King after it is apparent he was more than “subdued”. Officers are able to relieve themselves of responsibility for any questionable conduct with the excuse that the behavior is due to emotional or physiological states precipitated by circumstances of work, such as car pursuit, as was the case with Mr. King, which is viewed as a challenge to their authority. Adding to the  murkiness of the necessary force dilemma, is the definition of normal force, defined as involving coercive acts that specific cops on specific occasions formulate as necessary or natural response of normal police to particular situational exigencies. That definition pretty much seals the deal, whatever the acting officer says is correct force is correct, evidence be damned. While I respect the police force and appreciate the men and women who are brave enough to work in this field, I cannot in any way condone, or accept as justifiable force the behavior exhibited by the officers in the King video.  It is clear the officers were out of control, and should have been stopped. In addition to the four officers who took part in the beating, I condemn all of the officers who stood by and watched, doing nothing to intervene. I wish at least one of the observing officers would have shared the sentiment of the following quotation given by an officer in our assigned article, “The only reason to go in on a pursuit is not to get the perpetrator but to pull the cop who gets there first off the guy before he kills him.”